A little ego problem
by ACreepyPastaWriter
Summary: Jack and Mark just want to be free of the egos. What happens when they find a way? neutral!anti, neutral!ipliers, anti-dark friendship, slight anti/dark shipping
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter one: A solution?**

Jack was laying awake in bed. He could not sleep with all the racket from downstairs. It normally wasn't this bad, but Anti - ever the antagonist - just had to go and pick a fight with The good doctor over some small, silly problem. It wouldn't have worried him, except for the fact that Anti was, well, Anti. That and the fact that he probably had a knife. Although bearing in mind that Schneeplestein had once bragged that he preformed an operation AND kept the man alive with nothing but a fork and a sedative...

Sometimes he just wanted to be rid of them.

He wasn't going to get any sleep tonight.

He had picked his phone up and was scrolling through his instagram feed when he received a call from his closest friend, Mark. Strange, since - at the time - Mark was also in England. "Hey," Jack sighed, picking up the phone.

"Yours are keeping you up too, right? I didn't just wake you up, did I?" Oh Mark, ever the concerned friend.

Instantly knowing what Mark was on about, Jack nodded, then remembered that he wasn't on camera and Mark couldn't see him. "Yeah. Anti and Schneep fighting again, what else is new... You?"

"The Jims got in a fight with Wilford... again. Hey, since we're both up, want to play Golf With Friends or something? Might make for a good video."

"Sure! Just give me a moment to set up."

**-5 Minutes Later-**

Once Jack had logged on and set up the facetime call, so that they could see eachother. They both started recording at the same time, meaning that the garbled intros sounded something like "THOePy OgFu yTsHEa nMdORwNeIlNcGo mTeO tYoOUg oLlAfDDwIiEtSh friends!" Then both parties burst out laughing.

"So," Jack said, "We're getting straight into the game!"

They sped through the first few holes, before getting stuck at the 14th hole. Just as they were both taking their last shot, a notification popped up at the top of their screens - a new email.

"You got that too, right Jack?" Mark queried.

"Yeah... Want to check it out?"

They both opened up their messages and read outloud:

**'I know about your ego problem. I can help you fix it, make them go away. I have the technology to do it. Just email me back.**

**-Doctor Fredrick'**

"You didn't tell anyone, did you, because I didn't. Not even my wife or my best friend know about my egos..." Jack trailed off

"Neither," replied Mark, "But someone found out about it anyway."

"I quickly researched this guy. I can't find much but from what I can find, this dude looks legit., 2 PhD's and a Masters. But he's your side of the ocean, Mark"

"So... Trust him?"

"Give him a chance."

"Ok. I'll email him back. Fly down with your egos and you can stay down mine."

"Already booked"


	2. Chapter 2

Jack was having a hard time getting the egos on a plane. He had no idea how hard it was to find a good passport forger at such short notice who wouldn't ask questions. And Anti definitely wasn't being co-operative and the two police officers that had been called after the bleep at the metal detector were getting very pissed off.

Especially when Anti wouldn't hand over his knife.

"B̨̳̠̯ͅu͓̫͙̭͈t̫̮͜ ̨̮̺I҉̼͔͈͔̼ ̯w̵a̺͓͡n̤̱͕͖̣̩̲͠t̝͓͓̫̝̼̫ ̫̱̱͕̥̗ṱ̞͙̟̰͉ǫ ̛̞̳̹͇̹̖̪k̹e̵̮e͍̟̰̼̥͚p͙̦̫͚̻̀ ̼̮i̴ṭ̨͓̗̙̬͖͍ ̨̼̪͖̙̤̞wiṱ͉̙̜̻̣͡h̭̼̮̘͈͉̀ ͖͙̪̙̟̝͢m͚̙̮̯͈̰e͔͟!̣̠"

Yep, just a normal day with the egos.

"Ant- er, Alex, just hand the knife over." Jack prompted.

"B̕u̟̣̼͍̦͝t̯̩̯ ̛̖̤ͅI͏̯͔ ͖̼ḓ̥̭̦̳o͍͉͘n̯͙̜͔̗'͏̜̗t̲̙͕͕̣̖̳͝ ͚w͍͈̭̺̪̩̫a͔̞n͖̦̪̙̰͔͚t̵̫̭̝̰͍̫ ̖̪̤̩̭͈t͎̪̳ͅo̲͕̺͞!̮"

One harsh glare later, the knife had been handed over to the police and they were escorted onto the plane. Luckily Anti wasn't too mad, as his favorite knives were all safely in the suitcases. But he did have a lot of fun causing their headsets to go off in bursts of static every now and again. It shouldn't have caused damage to their ear drums. Probably...

Mark was pacing in his house. He and Jack had told the egos that they were just going to get checked up by a professional in America, who had dealt with these things before, but Jack had it easy. At least most of his egos respected his personal boundaries, and didn't pop up random-

"Mark! Bim and Ed are arguing again!"

-ly. God, not again.

"Coming!" Mark shouted

"Did you hear that Jim? The deadman cometh!" Reporter Jim shouted. Cameraman Jim forced the camera into his face.

God, he really needed to teach the -ipliers personal boundaries.

This thought was only reinforced when he span around to come eye to eye (bandage?) with the Host, with Googleplier stood right behind.

This secret-keeping thing was harder than Mark thought.

Jack finally arrived at Mark's house. All the egos piled out, trying to get away from Chase and Jackieboy's ear-piercing rendition of '10 green bottles'.

Anti, particularly, was exited to see his drinking buddies - Wilford, Darkiplier and Bim - again. That fight with Dark was all PR stuff, to get more views for the channel and to do something different. Anti often snuck out and teleported across to America to go out with them, often returning home at three in the morning fully drunk. And he was exited to do it again.

"Come on, we play horror games for a living! This is our scene!" Mark whispered to Jack as they stared down the dark alleyway the laboratory was located down. Together, the two grown men walked down the alley, flinching or whimpering at every small movement.

They finally reached the end of the alleyway to come face-to -face with Dr. Fredrick.

"Sean, Mark. I was waiting for you. Did you not bring your egos?"

"We wanted to check it out before bringing them out. To see if you were real."

"And I am. Are you ready for the procedure?"

"Tomorrow, yes. Thank you for this." Mark replied.

As they turned to leave, they missed the slight panic on Fredrick's face. He quickly shouted after them "The lasers will brake after one use, so make sure that this is really what you want!"


End file.
